i think i have herpe
just one?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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