also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
