i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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