was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
