I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
