you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
