I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
