gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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