dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your cock deserves a montage
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
