Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
