My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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