god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
