Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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