They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
