We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
