I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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