I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
