I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
