Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
