I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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