i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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