It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
