I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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