My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
