2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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