I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
