yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
