I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
