I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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There's always time for handjobs
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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