Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
