A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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