you told grandpa to call you daddy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
