I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
