I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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