allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
