So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
