i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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