According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
