last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
