I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I skipped work to stalk him.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize