Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
two words: eviction party
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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