sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
