Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
