I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
