i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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