you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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