I hope mine doesn't look like that
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
