Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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