recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
