I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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