Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize