After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
