my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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