he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
