you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
