we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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