Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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