He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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