Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
