he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
