Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
