I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
