I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
