just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I smell like Dick and happiness
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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