Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
