i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
