Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
