I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
