Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
