I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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