You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
