So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
