It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Still dying that you shit outside
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
