4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
