i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
