he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
