I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
