Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
