Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
