Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.