babies were throwing up all over the place
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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