FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
