omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.