It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife